'I was an alcoholic mother'

NHS

Journalist and author Niki Shisler, from London, sought help for her alcoholism when she realised she could no longer take care of her son.

“I was never a binge drinker. I was very much a 'maintenance' drinker. I was drinking round the clock. My friends afterwards all said, 'We never saw you drunk,' and I told them, 'No, you actually never saw me sober.'

"At first, like most people, I enjoyed alcohol. There's a reason why you get addicted to something. It's because it's fun at first.

"It's hard to say when I crossed the line from social to problem drinking but by the age of 32 it had reached a point where I'd find myself sitting in the bathroom at 8.30am pouring hidden vodka into a cup of tea.

"Once you get to that stage, denial becomes impossible. Nonetheless, even then it took some time to find the courage to deal with the problem.

"It's hard to face up to the shame of something like that, especially when none of the people around you know how bad it is. I was very good at hiding my drinking.

"I had my first son, Joey, when I was 24 and split with his father a year later. My next relationship, and the one where my drinking really took off, was abusive and violent.

"I tried to shelter Joey from the worst of it, but there's no doubt that on occasion he saw things he shouldn't have. He saw me get hurt physically, as well as all the emotional abuse I got.

'So unhappy'

"By the time he was seven, Joey was pretty much living with my mother full-time. I had split with my partner by this point, but it was my inability to care for Joey that was the final spur to get me into recovery.

"A few days after my 33rd birthday I was going over to visit Joey at my mum's and as I started to walk towards her house, I got the feeling in my throat that I was going to cry. I could feel the tears rising, almost like I was going to be sick. As soon as I got in the door, I burst into tears.

"I was sitting on the floor with my mum, crying and just saying over and over, 'I'm just so unhappy'. That was the point when my mum said, 'Why don't you phone Alcoholics Anonymous?' I went to my first meeting that evening and I haven't had a drink since.

"Joey was eight when I got sober. I moved in with my mum rather than uproot him. I had to rebuild my relationship with him, to make him understand that I wasn't going to let him down again, and that he could trust me.

"I don't miss alcohol, but I do miss the taste and experience. I miss having a nice crisp rosé on a lovely summer's day, or a really nice glass of wine when you're having a great Sunday roast. I can never have another drink. It's never too late, but the sooner you tackle your problem the better."

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'I used to drink all day'

NHS

George Budge knew he had to get help when he realised he was drinking all day, every day.

Over the years George had gone from drinking socially in pubs to drinking 1.5 litres of vodka a day at home.

"I don’t know what the turning point was," he says, "but I was on my own so no-one around me was telling me to stop. I wasn’t eating much and I was drinking 24 hours a day.

"Some deep voice of self-preservation inside me said, 'You can’t go on like this'. I think you have to seize those moments as they might not come again for years."

But George had no clear idea of where to go for help. "I rang an ex-probation officer I had met two years before," he says. "She'd told me she thought I had a drink problem but I was in denial at the time."

The ex-probation officer put him in touch with an addiction support group in Richmond, south-west London.

George received an assessment within 24 hours and went on a day programme involving group therapy and counselling.

"I stopped drinking overnight," he says. "but that's not something you should really do without advice, as you can go into fits and do yourself damage.

"I was shaking, sweating, scared to get on buses, and frightened of everything. Your whole body and mind is changing. It’s like having your brain shaken."

Water and drinks

NHS

Your body needs water or other fluids to work properly and to avoid dehydration.

This article explains how much we need to drink, how to spot the signs of dehydration and how to choose healthier non-alcoholic drinks. For advice on alcohol, see ourAlcohol section.

Water makes up about two-thirds of the weight of a healthy body.

Most of the chemical reactions that happen in our cells need water in order to take place. We also need water so that our blood can carry nutrients around the body and get rid of waste.

How much should we drink?

To stay healthy, it's important to replace the fluid we lose when we breathe, sweat or urinate.

We get some fluid from our food but most comes from drinks.

The European Food Safety Authority recommends that women should drink about 1.6 litres of fluid and men should drink about 2.0 litres of fluid per day. That's about eight glasses of 200ml each for a woman, and 10 glasses of 200ml each for a man.

Caring for an alcoholic

NHS

If you're a carer for a problem drinker, finding help can be a frustrating experience.

People who care for problem drinkers sometimes have to struggle to get the recognition and support they're entitled to.

“They have not always been perceived as ‘legitimate’ carers,” says Drew Lindon of The Princess Royal Trust for Carers (now the Carers Trust).

“But it is clear from the legislation and the National Carers Strategy that people who take care of problem drinkers should be recognised as carers,” he says.

You have legal rights as a carer if you provide regular and substantial unpaid care for someone who may be entitled to community care services.

For example, you are entitled to a carer's assessment and may be entitled to carers' services (including breaks), whether or not the person you care for receives any services. 

Carers who don't meet their local authority's criteria for getting support may still be able to get help from local voluntary services, such as Carers' Centres. To find your local Carers' Centre, go to the Carers Trust website.

Your wellbeing

The shame often associated with alcoholism, as well as denial, can be an obstacle to getting help.

“The stigma will affect both the alcoholic and the carer,” says Lindon. “It can affect their ability to ask for and get help.”

Being a carer is hard work and, with so much to do, it can be difficult to find quality time for yourself.

Staying well and healthy increases your ability to look after someone. But no one can plan for every eventuality and we all get ill sometimes.

'My wife's an alcoholic': a carer's story

NHS

David has cared for his wife since she started drinking after the birth of their only child 20 years ago.

He describes caring for Karen (not her real name) as “moving from one crisis to the next”.

To protect his young son from her excessive drinking, David reluctantly sent him to boarding school.

Despite the challenges, David has stayed with his wife, although he says their marriage stopped being a husband-and-wife relationship a long time ago.

Throughout the years, three things have given David the strength to keep going: the Samaritans helpline, his diary and exercise.

Bipolar disease

Karen had postnatal depression, which was later diagnosed as bipolar disease. She gave up work because of her illness and started drinking as a way of coping.

“She would drink quite a lot of whisky, which would make her very aggressive,” says David.

She drank more when she was stressed, for example when their son was leaving for or coming home from boarding school. “He would see her at her worst,” says David.

David sometimes had to call an ambulance for Karen after she'd had a nasty fall, or call the police when she became violent towards him and their son.

“We just moved from one crisis to the next,” he says.

As Karen’s drinking showed no sign of stopping, David decided to move out of their west London home with his son, who was then aged 10.

“Karen’s family said my first responsibility was to my son and that I should take him from the hell at home,” says David.  

Living separately has helped prevent the family from permanently splitting up. “My caring role has been one of trying to keep the family going,” he says.

David, who lives near his wife, says his life has become “incredibly isolated”. But, as a self-employed tradesman in the decorating business, he says he is happy spending time alone.

David now spends 10 hours a week caring for Karen. She also receives support from social services, including home help, through her Disability Living Allowance.

'Social drinking': the hidden risks

NHS

If you think only alcoholics and binge drinkers are putting their health at risk, think again.

Many people who see themselves as "social drinkers" are at risk of developing long-term health conditions because of the amount they regularly drink.

Most drinkers are unaware that regularly drinking more than the limits advised by the NHS can lead to a wide range of long-term health problems, including cancers, strokes and heart attacks.

More than 55% of people questioned in a YouGov poll thought that alcohol only damages your health if you regularly get drunk or binge drink.

The 2010 survey of 2,000 adults also found that 83% believed that regularly drinking more than the recommended daily limits didn’t put their long-term health at risk.

The survey suggests that 7.5 million people might be unaware of the damage their drinking could be causing.

The NHS recommends:

• Men should not regularly drink more than 3-4 units of alcohol a day
• Women should not regularly drink more than 2-3 units a day
• If you've had a heavy drinking session, avoid alcohol for 48 hours

"Regularly" means drinking this amount every day or most days of the week.

Read about the risks of drinking too much to find out how your drinking habits may be affecting your health.

'Vodka nearly killed me'

NHS

After drinking a litre of vodka with her friends to celebrate the end of term, Anna started to slip into a coma.

It was nearly the end of term and, to celebrate, one of Anna’s friends suggested they get drunk. “One of the boys looks older, so he went to buy us alcohol,” says Anna, 15. “I asked for an alcopop, but he brought back a litre bottle of vodka.

“I hated the taste, but I decided I’d drink the whole bottle – and that’s exactly what I did. The others shared fizzy wine. I remember being sick, but I don’t remember much more.”

Around 10.30pm, Anna was found slumped outside the youth club. For 10 minutes, friends tried but failed to get her to open her eyes.

An ambulance was called. The crew couldn't rouse her. It was 11.15pm. Her heart rate was dangerously low.

As Anna was rushed to East Surrey Hospital in Redhill, her mother Joanna received the terrible news: her daughter was unconscious. “I just froze,” she says. “When I reached A&E, Anna was on a trolley with drips in her nose and a drain down her throat.

“The doctors opened her eyes and shone a torch into them, and her eyes had rolled right back. They asked me whether she took drugs, but I said no," says Anna. "Funnily enough, I'd never worried about alcohol. She didn’t even like the taste.

"The doctors managed to bring her round in A&E and they were pumping fluids into her. She had serious dehydration, but they got her to respond.”

But at 3am, the monitors connected to Anna began bleeping loudly. Her heart rate had plummeted. Anna was going into a coma, so they started injecting her with drugs to revive her. She seemed to be dying.

"For nearly an hour, medical staff tried different drugs," says Joanna. "Luckily, she stabilised again, and the alarms went quiet. Her colour improved and she started to breathe more deeply.

"Then at 5am, Anna suddenly sat up and said, ‘Where am I? I need the loo!’ She’s vowed never to get drunk again. She’s learnt her lesson."

“I can’t stand the smell of alcohol now," says Anna.

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